Posts Tagged communication

Cut the sex, add the relationships!

Wednesday, April 10th, 2013 | Permalink

I recently read a UK article highlighting the importance of proper sexual health education and that it must focus on relationship education in order to promote awareness of domestic violence and keep youth from entering, or remaining in, dangerous relationships.

I subscribe to, which is a sex ed website focused on the real world and not just FACTS pulled from some outdated pamphlet. Scarleteen led me to this article which I immediately opened and read. Thank you Scarleteen! Here’s what I learned:

Sex education should be about experiences. The article I found in the NewStatesman written by Cosslett and Baxter (2013) is a recent article talking about sex ed in the UK and how sex ed in schools is pretty much just the names of STIs and a scary birthing video… so, therefore, birth control. (If that video isn’t good birth control, I don’t know what is, HA!).

It’s the beautiful, simple, yet accurate title to this article that got me standing up and clapping: Teenagers already know about sex. Let’s teach them what a relationship looks like

PERFECT! Bitch, please. Half the teens you see walking around with their swagger and whatnot are perfectly aware that touching genitals with things, whether it’s other genitals or appendages, is nice. Most kids know that sex can get you pregnant, but what kids don’t realize is that their culture is steeped in myth and “norms” that are simply unacceptable (re: my previous article about rape and nonchalance concerning it in some cases). When was the last time you listened to a rap song, for example? Any song? The genderism, the sexism, the sexual explicitness of these songs! MY dear. Smack my bitch up? Don’t even try to smack THIS bitch up. Step back. .____.

This article makes me think of a lot of valid sexual health education questions for youth:

What IS a good relationship?
How do I survive a break up?
What is love?
What is lust?
What is a bad relationship?
How do I know if I’m in the right during an argument?
If he’s my boyfriend then isn’t he allowed to get sex from me whenever?
If she’s my girlfriend, isn’t she supposed to give me sex?
If two girls are in a relationship, doesn’t that mean they are adopting specific roles synonymous to hetero-normative ones?

Look at all these goddamn questions!!! And I’m a sexpert!!! Could I answer these simply and with ease? HELL no. Like sex, sexual relationships are difficult to define and understand. We are all different people and therefore we cannot all be put under the same umbrella. There is, however, an answer to what is a bad relationship.┬áhas an excellent forum of anecdotes and information about relationships. Another excellent place to ask questions is my beautiful friend and colleague, Options for Sexual Health. This website has a brilliant little thing called SEX SENSE hotline. If you call 1-800-SEX-SENSE, a very skilled and trained professional sex educator will answer the line and answer your questions unbiasedly and with a very friendly tone. I’ve called this number more than once. It’s an excellent resource for people who either don’t have access to the internet or want a straight answer from a reliable source (let’s face it: sometimes the internet is an asshole. Don’t believe it always).

I feel like calling SEX SENSE is similar to talking to a doctor or a nurse but less clinical. These professionals will literally answer ANYthing and EVERYthing concerning sexual health.

If you are in a relationship, I encourage you to analyze it. It’ll help you communicate better with your partner and learn about him or her and more about yourself. If there is anything that concerns you, talk to your partner. If you are still concerned or worried, call a sexpert at 1-800-SEX-SENSE or browse for anecdotes that may help you evaluate your relationship. I’m not telling you to go break up with your partner! I’m telling you to be aware of your relationship and keep it healthy and happy! :) If you aren’t in a relationship, I encourage you to study up on what is a healthy relationship so that you can make healthy choices when dating and/or sexing.

And of COURSE, if you have any questions or recommendations of articles, PLEASE email me at as I will be BEYOND happy to help you out by writing it out.

Thank you to articles like this one┬áthat remind us that sex education is more about intercourse! Some of the most important information we can receive is how to interact and socially meld with others. Girl, can I tell you, I’ve been there. I’ve been in relationships. I’m in one now! FOREVER! Marriage. :) Before I got married though, I did some mad self assessment and analyzed what I wanted and how I could achieve it. My partner and I communicate more than a concerned father and his daughter on a 90’s family-friendly sitcom! If you can’t talk it out, ask yourself why? HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS! Sex starts THERE.

Stay safe, sexually speaking.