The R word: What is this and how can I kill it?

How can I kill the thoughts of morons who claim:

“well… you were drunk.”

“well… you were dressed like that.”

“well… he is such a funny and smart guy. He would never do that.”

“…but she’s a girl. Girls can’t rape guys.”

Take your uneducated, wrong ass back to the drawing board and draw a picture of me hitting you with a car!!!

Rape: One can define rape as unlawful sexual activity, typically intercourse, carried out forcibly against the will of a person under the age of consent or a person who has not consented to the act. Another definition calls rape “an outrageous violation”. It is comparable and in the same category as sexual assault and sometimes is called just that.

As a sexual health educator, I feel it is imperative that I speak out on this matter. First thing’s first: The victims are all I care about. Not criminals. 

If you cannot go to a party and not rape someone, bitch it’s time for you to never go to a party!! Ever again.

Rape can happen in other places, but college parties are one of the most notorious places where sexual assault and rape occurs.

I’ve read a few articles and been notified via social networks of an occurrence in West Virginia of a rape. All the details centre around the rapists. I won’t go further. I don’t care about the rapists. Anyway, some comments on this specific situation float the idea around of women accepting risk and needing to accept the fact that rape is possible of they go to a party….

Bitch, what?

 

What is this I don’t even!

If a girl goes to a party where there is alcohol, she is supposed to be aware of consequences and therefore is partially responsible if something happens because she is supposed to be aware? What if a woman is walking home from feeding blind puppies and gets attacked? Is she supposed to accept the risk that a woman can get raped anywhere and therefore must never go outside? EVER? How dare she…

Reality is, rape is 100% never the fault of the victim. Bitch, some chick could be lying naked on a couch and smiling. Plot twist: She’s a nudist and this is a normal Tuesday for her! Never does a person ASK to be raped. C’mon now.

Girls and guys should be able to dress as they please and go where they please without worry.

As. they. please.

Unfortunately, our world isn’t candies and rainbows, so it is beneficial to take caution in some ways for certain situations. For example, at a college party: watch your drink at all times, have a friend to take you home or a taxi number readily available, and always eat your vegetables to promote a healthy bowel.

Also, one of the many disturbing misconceptions about rape is that it cannot happen to a guy.

Let me tell you something. Consent goes both ways. I would be more cautious as a guy, in a party situation for example, because of the ugly beliefs about gender stereotypes. Men are stronger? That means nothing when you’re being violated.

Rape can happen anywhere to anyone. If you see someone who might be in danger, check on them. It might mean more to them than you can imagine.

I was once at a party. I was having a great time, but my head started to hurt and it kept getting worse. Eventually, I asked one of my male friends to walk me home. I had my head in my hands and my friend was walking me out the door when another guy stopped him saying, “Excuse me! Excuse me! Where are you going?” My friend said “I’m just walking her home. Her head–” “I wasn’t talking to you. Excuse me?” He looked at me. “Do you know this guy?” I was surprised. I said, “Yes I do. He’s my friend, but thank you for asking. I really appreciate your concern for my safety.” He then talked with us for a minute, shook my friend’s hand, and went back inside. He wasn’t the owner of the house. He had never even seen me before…

In a party setting, especially college or university where peer pressure is high and “budding adulthood” is intriguing, this kind of behaviour seems a little rare. I didn’t expect anyone to bat an eye at two people leaving a party. God bless that outstanding gentleman who made sure I was safe and in the hands of someone I knew rather than a stranger. I hope he is doing well today. I wish I could see him again so I could shake his hand and say thank you.

From all the girls and boys, men and women, who avoid walking around at night for fear of attack, thank you kind bystanders who make us feel safe.

From all the students who avoid college parties because of so many stories with unhappy endings, and they just don’t want to risk it, thank you for being a true gentleman and a hero.

When you (yes you!) are in a situation that doesn’t seem right, be a hero and step up to make sure it’s all good. In my story, my male friend was not offended by the questioning. He was actually very impressed that someone would take the time to assess a precarious picture (my head was down and a larger male was guiding me quickly from a party). We need more stories about heroes and true, honourable people in this world. God bless that guy.

Rape. It’s not about that power-hungry asshole who thinks the law is flexible and optional. It’s about the beautiful, intelligent, inspiring individuals who need to hear “it’s not your fault. It never was. It never will be” again and again.

I applaud victims for their courage, strength, and wisdom they pass on to others. I applaud the amazing, intelligent, extraordinary individuals who stand up and assess potentially risky situations. These people stop ugly things, like rape, from happening.

I do not applaud rapists. I don’t care about rapists. I don’t want to know who you are. Get the fuck out of my newspaper.

 You heard me…

 

Stay safe, please! Sexually speaking.

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One Response to The R word: What is this and how can I kill it?

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